I am a warrior. The queen of positivity, the girl who always finds hope in darkness, the wife that believes love can overcome all things. The chronic forgiver, a woman that moves on, always working towards to the prize of balance, happiness and perfect health.
If a problem arises, I’m there to patch the quilt. I believe the hems will not come undone. But then they do.. I patch them again, with extra love this time. Before I know it- they are fraying. Over and over I attempt to fix the problem using different strategies, exhausting myself.. but always believing in the best. Years later, I’m still losing the battle. I’m left with resentment, hate, frustrations.. Why the hell wouldn’t that quilt let me fix it??? I blame it on the quilt.
Moral of the story, it is SO easy to do the “right thing” and neglect your own needs in the process. I blanket my anger, frustrations, sadness with positivity. I choose to believe in the best, and neglect the fact that I am waring myself out in extreme ways.
I am keeping myself sick. Under this sunny disposition there is deep sadness, deep rage, deep hurt. I Ignore it.
Do you have an autoimmune disease or a chronic health issue?
I’m willing to bet, that life has beaten you up a bit, or a lot: Emotional or physical Abuse, Negative experiences from your childhood, unhealthy relationships, divorce, dealing with a chronically sick child, or one with disabilities, loss of someone close to you. This list could go on for pages. Life can be really cruel.
Emotional stress, especially the kind like mine that is buried and ignored, can not only make a person physically sick, but prevent them from healing. You might do everything right, eat the perfect diet, take the right supplements, spend endless amounts of money on seeing the best doctors.
If you ignore the crap buried in your soul- it could prevent you from healing 100%. There is a reason you got sick in the first place, and this may have a huge hand in telling you why.
I wish I had the perfect recipe to hand you, to teach you how to free yourself from past pains. The process for each of us may be different.
For me its an acceptance that I can’t blame others.. its the realization that I have done this to myself. That my coping mechanism’s are what are hurting me, even though I had the best of intentions. I’ve been through some really tough times, Ive forgiven others for unthinkable acts. I’ve been dragged through what felt like hell itself. I am still sick- and I now know why.
In fighting the good fight to get healthy again- don’t neglect your true self.
Cheers to hope, and letting go of past burdens. It’s not easy, but it can be done.